he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
