That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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