You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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