someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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