Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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