why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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