All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
