My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You pole danced in your parka.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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