Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
