So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
