dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
