I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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