eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
