So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
