So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wear drunk well.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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