it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
They have beer where we have blood.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
