I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
