Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
