kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
