my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Houston, we have a blender
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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