I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize