I can text with my tongue
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
