quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
