White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
