how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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