we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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