I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
