dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
