Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
