She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize