you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
