I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
