She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i think i just lost a toe
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
