she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
