I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
