I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My vagina is officially offended.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
