I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
