i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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