I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
