He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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