She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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