no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
