Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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