ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
