I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
