i came on her dog
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My bed smells like the plague
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
