It's Friday. Sex?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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