just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
