garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
