Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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