I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
