in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
