I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
