What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
