Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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