eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Randomize