I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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