I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
