Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
