HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
