It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
