Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
