If that was your dad, he is hot
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
