I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
