Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
