dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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