Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
