wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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