Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
