she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is the high leading the old right now
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Vodka?
Forever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
