If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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