You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
