So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
