What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
