I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
