Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
