she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
