did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize