Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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