Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
