Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
